NOTE: This blog was written in 2016, before launching my new blog The Loveliest Balance. I deleted most of my old blogs because I was starting over completely and needed clean space to do so. However, the ones I chose to keep were very near to my heart at the time and still have great importance to me. So you can peek into the old Mel and see how that has shaped who I am now and The Loveliest Balance.
This blog really is a big turning point in my life. It is certainly the "rock bottom" that inspired me to change my life. It was probably the shittiest part of my adult life. It's crazy to look back at it... I know so much more than I chose to share. Maybe now I have to courage to write more and be more vulnerable. Even though this sucked so bad to go through, it's completely shaped The Loveliest Balance and has changed me forever.
I have some pretty big news. My whole life is taking quite the abrupt turn right now. Someday, when I look at this book of the Story of My Life, I'll come to this chapter and the summary will say something like....
"Melanie spent an entire year preparing to move to Cape Town, South Africa to work with a ministry there. She went there, bought a car, settled into that place, and served with that ministry for 4 months. Then everything changed..."
It's true. I'll no longer be working with that ministry any more.
NOTE: (This blog isn't going to explain everything that happened, but it's important to mention that this decision came about after SO much prayer, seeking wise counsel, more prayer, many conversations with the ministry, and then more prayer.)
At first, it felt like everything was falling apart. But as time has happened day by day, I'm seeing that things aren't falling apart, they are just changing. This transition isn't easy. It's actually one of the hardest things I've ever done. But it's going to be one of the most impactful chapters of my life. I can already tell.
Because in this extreme change, I am learning so many things, growing in crazy ways, and stepping out in all sorts of forms of faith, obedience, trust, truth, and steadfastness. It's causing me to dive into the Word of God, draw so much closer to Him, and desire to be 100% aligned with His Will.
What's getting me through this? The fact that God is in control. He is doing SO much. It's because God is in control that I can say that things aren't falling apart they are changing. And though it's everything that's changing (which is scary), I can trust Him completely.
I would like to share with you the song that has gotten me through this big shift. It's called Thy Will and the lyrics completely align with every feeling I've felt through this process. Confusion, questioning, brokenhearted, knowing God is good, admitting that this doesn't feel good, distraction, remembering who God is, then, finally, coming to Him like a child on my knees, pleading for His Will to be done. And then remembering His promises. His plans are for me. Goodness He has in store.
I'm going back home to Wyoming on December 1st. I want to explain to everyone face-to-face what happened. I want to be around loved ones as I process what has happened and pray into what's next for my life. I still feel the call of missions and ministry overseas on my life, so I want to prayerfully see where He's leading next.
I want to soak up everything that God has for me in this time.
I want to fight the urge to feel like I've failed or messed up.
I want to grieve the closing of this season, leaving the children I loved so deeply.
I want to remind myself daily of what God says and promises.
I want to seek His will to be done. I want His will to be done. When everything changes, I want to always seek His will. It's there. In all the change. And really, His Will is all I want.